May
07

Don’t make me laugh…

Both drafted No. 1 overall, both Super Bowl Champions. Peyton has multiple league MVP awards and a Super Bowl MVP. Eli has never won league MVP but has two Super Bowl MVPs. Peyton got his championship first but Eli has two now.

Both were born and bred to play football and the argument continues to rage on. Naturally the question that every football fan want to know: Which of Archie’s boys is funnier?

With this week’s SNL appearance by Eli we may be one step closer to an answer.

Below are two samples of their work “influencing” the lives of our nations youth.

So who ya got?

For my money it’s Peyton by a mile.

Mar
14

MADNESS

Each March millions of people fill out a bracket for the NCAA tournament.  This is done with the highest of hopes.  Sure there are different levels of involvement and interest but, in the beginning, all believe that the tournament will unfold similiarly to their expectations.  It never does.

Usually before the end of the opening weekend your dreams are shattered and you’ve contemplated lighting your bracket on fire.  It’s not called March Madness solely because of the action on the court.

Still it’s fun to play and half the fun is talking trash while you can before your bracket also goes up in flames.  With that in mind here are our brackets and a challenge.

Submit your final four as well as your title game and championship picks (Example: Final Four: Duke, Florida, Texas, Temple. Title game: Duke vs Temple. Champion: Temple). Either comment below or on Facebook or Twitter.  Besides bragging rights, the backer(s) who picks the most games correctly from the final weekend will receive a vintage 2 Big Bald Guys sticker.  (and who doesn’t want to plaster these two gorgeous mugs on their car, right?)  Good luck!

Remember anyone can play so be sure to tell your friends.

Mar
09

Jason’s Sit Down of the Week – Store Donation Guy & Enabling Mommy

Holy crap! Really? Two columns in the same week?! Unprecedented, I know. But like Woody Harrelson in White Men Can’t Jump, “I’m in a Zone, man! I’m in a F’ing Zone!”
I’ve gotten a few emails from not-so-pleased fans of these columns (that’s right…I just used the word “fans” there…my narcissism knows no boundaries!) that say they miss my weekly “Sit Down” columns. Well, for that I apologize. To make it up to you all, though, I’ve got not one, but two people this week that I’d like to sit down. I posted a few tweets earlier in the week about both of these people, but now I get to expound on them a bit. So, without further ado, let’s get right to it. Will the following people please pay attention and take a seat for me, please?

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Mar
06

Springy Movie Trailer Review

Sorry I missed last week. I got stuck watching the greatest movie trailer EVER, over and over again. Thank you Jimmy Kimmel for Movie: The Movie.

A Thousand Words
Release: March 9, 2012
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Cliff Curtis, Kerry Washington
Director: Brian Robbins
Writer: Steve Koren

Classic voiceover intro to this trailer. Love it. At first glance this just appears to be Jim Carrey’s Liar Liar with a twist. However, if you look deeper this is…well it’s still just Liar Liar with a twist. But if anybody can pull it off it’s Eddie Murphy.

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Mar
05

Nice Guys are Dead…And Women Killed Them

You know that scene at the end of Superman 2 when Superman, after defeating General Zod and his cronies, flies the American Flag back to the destroyed White House and apologizes to the President for being gone for so long and assuring him he won’t let him down again? What’s that? You’ve never seen Superman 2 and have no idea what the hell I’m talking about? Well, then, you’re dead to me and you can stop reading now. For the rest of you, though, allow to me continue with this analogy as I play the role of Superman and you play the role of the President while I apologize to all of you for being gone for so long. Sadly I’m not Superman so there still remains a high likelihood I’ll let you down again.

For now, though, I’m back so let’s dive into what I came here to talk about today…

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Feb
24

Foolish Pride

I don’t know why I have to write this because it seems pretty obvious to me but I think we can alleviate a lot of distress if we all can agree on this one point. Men are prideful.

It’s not something we try to be. It’s not something we’re particularly proud of (no pun intended). But nonetheless at our center we are full of pride.

Sure we can suppress this and appear humble, but acts of humility do not make one humble.

Ladies, take everything that bothers you about men and it all comes back to pride. The much maligned “ask for directions” situation. Pride. Inordinately and irrationally confident about his body. Pride. Resists holding your purse in public. Pride. Failure to recognize Father Time’s repeated messages that he ought to avoid contact/extreme sports at his age. Pride. Always believing he has the answer no matter how little experience he has on the topic. Pride. Taking on nearly any bet or challenge no matter how ridiculous. Pride. Failing to admit he is wr…wro…wr…not always exactly 100% in the right, sometimes. Pride.

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Feb
16

Bucking the Trend

In this 24 hour news and social media saturated society it’s easy to get caught up in the latest hype when a good (or in this case GREAT) story comes along.

Everybody has an opinion or a take on what and why this is happening. You can’t turn on the TV or check Facebook and Twitter without being confronted by it. You might have even gotten caught up in it yourself tweeting a clever, at least in your own mind, pun or twelve. There’s no shame in this (at least no shame you’ll admit to).

In the beginning it’s fun, exciting and entertaining. Sure you can’t escape it but you really don’t want to. (Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy Tebowmania just a little bit. Residence of Oakland, San Diego, Kansas City, New York, Minnesota, Chicago and Pittsburg excluded of course). But there will come a time when this story loses steam or becomes played out or boring. How long really depends on the magnitude of the situation and the individual’s tolerance for the story.

While the story is hot though it’s natural to sound off and join the ever growing chorus surrounding the circus; amplifying the hype and eventually contributing to its downfall.

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Feb
14

Movie Trailer Reviews – Valentine’s Edition

Looking for a post-Valentine’s Day movie date?  I’ve got you covered.

This Means War

Release: February 17, 2012
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, Tom Hardy
Director: McG
Writers: Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg, Marcus Gautesen

Two best friends, and oh by the way partners for the CIA, are pulled apart when they find they are dating the same girl. Well who hasn’t seen that before?

I like Reese Witherspoon. The thought of Captain Kirk and Bane battling it out for her is pretty fun. And who doesn’t love a watching somebody take a shot to the crotch with a paintball gun? Still if you can’t put together a two minute trailer without profanity and sexually suggestive scenes it tells me right up front you don’t have a lot to say.

Disappoint-o-meter: 6 Post Valentine’s couples beware.

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Feb
09

Movie Trailer Reviews – Super Bowl Edition

If you missed the Super Bowl movie trailers fear not. I’ve got you covered. These super compact super expensive spots are sure to please.

Battleship

Release: May 18, 2012
Starring: Alexander Skarsgard, Brooklyn Decker, Liam Neeson
Director: Peter Berg
Writers: Erich Hoeber, Jon Hoeber

I know, let’s base a movie off of a classic Hasbro children’s game. Only let’s not have it resemble said game in any way. Sound good?

This looks like Transformers meets 2012 meets every other alien invasion movie. I have no doubt the technical aspects of this movie will be superb. I’m equally sure that the story line will have all the substance of a Krispy Kreme donut. Liam Neeson, what were you thinking? You’re better than this man. The good news is we find out what Tim Riggins did after he was done with High School football.

Disappoint-o-meter: 7 Beware of films that load up on attractive females (Decker and Rihanna) with limited acting chops.

 

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Feb
02

America the gluttonous

It’s well documented that Americans, as a whole, are a little bit on the hefty side.  Fine!  Outside of Keira Knightley we could all stand to miss a few meals.  As Americans the only thing we like more than food is assigning blame.  So who or what is to blame?

I let my children watch a part of Supersize Me a couple of weeks ago.  While I laugh to myself as they shutter with disgust any time we drive by a McDonald’s now, I fear they may have missed the point.  My 4 year old says to me, “You’re not fat.  You don’t eat McDonald’s.”  As if that redheaded clown is the sole reason for obesity.

McDonald’s or even fast food in general isn’t the problem; although they aren’t helping.  I’m talking to you McRib.  As with any problem of this scale it’s complicated.

I’m going to gloss over personal responsibility, prosperity and mental health issues because let’s be honest those are all kind of downers (we eat to feel better because we can.  Sad face).  I’m going to focus on our mindset and obsession with food.

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